Hope.  

It's a word I've been thinking a lot about lately.  In my own head, I had always defined it as the belief in something better.  But, to be honest, I have never actually seen an official definition.  A combination of laziness and lack of need.  So, for the first time in my 27 years, I  looked it up.  Webster's defines hope as:  To wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment.  Okay, I can accept the deffiniton.  But, I'm having trouble accepting  the idea.

Recently, I've been making an effort to believe in something better.  My existence has left little to be desired.  In fact, it has been only that.  Existing.  With little or nothing else being accomplished.  All things considering, it seemed acceptable.  However, I have been steadily losing ground.  And all the opportunity I can claw up only seems to offer more of what isn't working.  At this point, expecting the fulfillment of any wish seems like fairy-tale bullshit.  It wasn't until I tried to stoke my flames of hope, that I realized how cold my hearth was.  Up until my last birthday, I had been actively avoiding trying to consider my future.  Mostly because I new nothing would end up the way it needed to.  I was afraid that the disappointment would kill my ability to expect good things.  In hindsight I realize what I had done.  I had starved hope to death in an attempt to keep it alive.  Ironic.

The "hope" illustration  is an attempt to come face to face with my biggest problem.  The first step over a seemingly uncrossable gab.  It isn't a declaration of hope.  It's more like a wish for it.  Hope for hope.

...I guess it's a start.